


you're not alone

by tumemxnques



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-02
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2020-02-16 06:08:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18685663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tumemxnques/pseuds/tumemxnques
Summary: (! ENDGAME SPOILERS ! don't read if you haven't seen the movie.)It was day 38 when he decided to get Wanda.





	you're not alone

**Author's Note:**

> ENDGAME SPOILERS COMING YOUR WAY! I WARNED YOU, TWICE! 
> 
> well, so this movie destroyed me. my girls didn't get the reunion they deserved, and nat deserved better anyway. this is me trying to survive all of it, i hope you enjoy. 
> 
> english isn't my first language, so i'm sorry for any mistakes.

**i’m trying to hold my breath**

**let it stay this way**

**can't let this moment end**

**you set off a dream in me**

**gettin' louder now**

**can you hear it echoing?**

\- loren allred

 

It started a few days after she’d jumped. 

It started just then, with occasional waving into nothingness. 

Clint was confused, but he blamed it on the grief. She’d been their Auntie, after all. 

_Auntie Nat_. 

It was when he came home later than he’d originally planned, guilt gnawing at his heart already, that he realized that something was wrong. Nathaniel never slept without his bedtime story, especially not after receiving the devastating news of his Auntie’s passing. 

“Hey, buddy, I’m so sorry to keep you waiting but-,” Clint started, opening the door to his son’s bedroom, but he stopped talking when his eyes met a sleeping Nathaniel in his bed. The boy began to stir and slowly opened his eyes. “Dad?” he asked and Clint sighed under his breath. “Yeah, it’s me. Sorry to wake you up.” 

The boy lightly shook his head at his dad and patted the empty space next to him. Clint gave in, sat down with a groan and ruffled his hair. “I just wanted to read your bedtime story to you. But it seems to me like you don’t even need that anymore, huh?” 

What happened next hit Clint right in the heart. “I got one, though. Auntie Nat did it. She couldn’t read to me, she said, but she told me a story about Budapest.” 

Clint couldn’t say a word for a second. It was like he lost the ability to breathe, before tears came to his eyes and he squeezed the small hand of his child. “But Auntie Nat is gone, buddy, I’m sorry. I know it’s hard, but we need to accept it eventually.” 

His heart broke over and over again when he thought about her green eyes looking up at him, the wind tugging at her small body on Vormir. _Let me go,_  he could still hear her voice echoing in his mind. _It’s okay._

The touch of Nathaniel’s fingers on his cheek, wiping away a tear, brought him back to reality. “No, I’m telling you, she was here. I know she’s dead, dad. But I’m being honest with you. She was here. I don‘t know how, but she was here.” 

The boy knew how stupid he sounded the moment the words left his mouth, but he knew what he’d seen. It had been Auntie Nat, the red hair incredibly long, a white dress hugging every soft curve of her body. She’d been smiling so softly, running her fingers through Nathaniel’s hair as if she wasn’t even gone. 

He missed her, he realized once again. He missed her like crazy. 

“Nathaniel,” his father started, his voice trembling, staring at the wall. “Can you tell me something? I believe you, but I need to know for sure.” 

Clint had heard of kids who were able to communicate with ghosts, kids who saw them just like they saw the real people. But he needed to know if Nathaniel really was one of them. He needed to be sure. “Tell me what happened in Budapest.” 

So his son told him. He told him in detail, he told it in a way that made it so real. A way that showed Clint that Natasha was still there, watching over his family. He cried, but this time it weren’t just sad tears running down his cheeks. Now he knew that Natasha still had his back, even in death. 

Even if it was just for something as simple as a forgotten bedtime story.

It was day 38 when he decided to get Wanda. 

It all seemed to be a lot of weight on Nathaniel’s shoulders, especially because nobody but him could see Natasha. Clint knew that Wanda could see her, too. The girl was still broken after Natasha’s death, and he thought that maybe it would be better for her, too, if she stayed at the farm for some time. 

She looked exhausted and sick when he saw her again, and Sam told him that she hadn’t been eating. He said it had often happened over the last weeks that she'd lost control over her powers, but the man promised that nothing would happen to the kids if Clint let her stay at his house. “I don’t know what to do with her, really,” Sam sighed. “I hope you’ll be able to help her.” 

At the farm, Wanda’s cheeks started to gain some more color. It was good to see, Clint thought. “It’s nice,” she said, but shut up quickly. Natasha would have scolded her for the accent. She bit back the tears, but then she felt a hand on her shoulder and a kiss on her cheek. 

“It’s okay. No need to hide it anymore. You’re free now.” Natasha’s voice let her breath hitch for a second, before she spun around to hold Natasha and never let her go. 

When she saw that nobody was there, her legs gave way underneath her and she hit the ground with a devastated scream, a wave of red magic erupting from within her. 

“Hey, I’m Wanda,” she later said to Clint’s youngest, sitting next to the boy on the comfortable couch, holding out a hand to him. He wrapped his small fingers around it and beamed. “You’re Scarlet Witch!” 

Wanda looked surprised. “Yeah,” she chuckled. “That’s me.” Nathaniel smiled and looked at her out of big eyes, waiting for her to continue talking.  “I’ve heard that your Auntie Nat comes to visit you sometimes," she tried.

Nathaniel nodded slowly, biting his lip. “She just stands somewhere a lot, watches me. Sometimes, she talks to me as well, or ruffles my hair.” Wanda’s eyes began to fill with tears at the memory of her trainer. She missed her, so incredibly much. But she tried to keep it together for the kid. 

Just this one damn time. 

“Does it scare you?” Wanda asked quietly and Nathaniel shrugged. “Sometimes, when she just stands next to me - out of the blue! But most of the time, I’m glad that she still comes to visit me. I’m the only one in my family,” he added proudly. 

Wanda smiled. The boy paused for a second, before he spoke again: “But what’s hard is that because the others can’t see her, they don’t know when she’s present. I’m talking to her and they tell me to stop talking to the air around. It hurts. And it hurts her, too.” 

Wanda’s heart bled in her chest, knowing now that not even in death, Natasha could feel like she was enough. 

“I’m sorry,” Wanda said and squeezed Nathaniel’s hand. “But I understand you. And I’m here now, for a while anyway, so if you ever need to talk about it, just tell me. We both have the same gift.” Nathaniel nodded and rested his head against Wanda’s upper arm. “Thanks, Wanda,” he whispered and Wanda ran her fingers through his hair, tiredly smiling at Natasha, who was standing in a corner, watching them with a soft smile.

It was the second night Wanda spent with the family when Lila hesitated for a second while reaching for the plates. 

_One for mom, one for dad, one for Cooper, one for Nathaniel, one for Wanda and one for myself_ , she thought. Something felt wrong about it, though. And then she felt it again. 

The strange feeling in the room, the presence of something she couldn’t see. By now she was quite sure it was Auntie Nat. She didn’t need to ask Nathaniel or Wanda to know she was there again. 

Suddenly, she knew what to do. 

She took seven plates from the cupboard and started to set the table. 

When they sat down to eat, the chair next to Wanda remained empty. That‘s when Laura realized the table had been set for too many people. One person, to be precise. 

“Lila, honey, are you still expecting someone?” she asked, terribly confused. “No,” the girl answered with a simple shrug. “Everybody’s here.” 

Laura glanced over at her husband for some help, but he looked just as lost as she did. “Then who did you want to put there?” she wanted to know, pointing at the chair Natasha had once claimed for herself, back in time when she’d still been alive. She realized it the moment she closed her mouth. 

“Oh,” she mumbled. Lila answered her nonetheless. “It’s for Auntie Nat. I’m tired of pretending she’s not here when she is!” 

Laura groaned. She was exhausted, and she was tired of that topic. She missed Natasha, too, but the woman was gone and nothing would ever bring her back to them. They had to accept it, even if it was hard. 

“Lila. You know just as much as I do that Auntie Nat is gone.” 

Lila snorted with rage. “Her body might lay shattered on Vormir where dad let go of her, but her soul is still here!” The fork clattered on the plate when Lila threw it into her half-eaten dinner. 

Wanda saw tears fill Clints eyes and felt the guilt rising in his chest, so she reached over to take his hand. “It’s not your fault,” she whispered softly, before he wiped his tears away with a thankful look on his face. He needed the reassurance, Wanda thought. 

“Lila Barton!” Laura screamed at her daughter in shock. But Lila jumped up, slamming her hands onto the table, causing it to shake. “She is still here, she always is and I’m sick of you acting like she’s not! The way you’re dealing with your grief is the worst way possible! You lost her too, you lost a friend, and you won’t admit to yourself or anyone else that it hurts like hell, that you’d rather still be dust so she could be alive now! Because that’s how I feel and I can’t imagine that I’m the only one!” 

Laura was crying now and Wanda felt miserable. Lila stared at her crying mother for a moment, before she took the plate in blind rage and threw it onto the table where it shattered and made everyone flinch. “Fuck you! Fuck you all!” Lila shouted and stormed out of the kitchen. 

Nobody had the energy to stand up and tell her that this wasn’t how you were supposed to talk to your parents. They let her go and Wanda felt her heart sink. 

She looked at Laura who looked down at the table and sobbed quietly. Clint was crying too, but tried to comfort his wife. She flinched at his touch and shook her head with a sniffle. “Leave me alone.” 

She got up and came to a halt in front of the kitchen window, staring outside into the dark of the night. Clint sighed, but let her. 

Cooper hadn’t said a word and just pushed his food back and forth on his plate with the fork he was holding. He was a calm and quiet boy, usually, but Wanda felt the pain and grief bothering him. 

Nathaniel was quiet as well, but he stared at something next to Wanda, a sad look on his face. She turned her head to where he was looking and saw a crying Natasha sit on the empty chair. 

She had drawn her knees up to her chest and her face was buried in the white fabric of the dress she was wearing, her arms wrapped around her legs. She was sobbing harshly and Wanda felt her heart break over and over again. 

She tried to touch her, but reached right through her body. 

Her heart broke once again. 

But it made Natasha look at her, and even crying, she was the most beautiful person Wanda had ever seen.

“I’m sorry,” Natasha choked out, and Wanda smiled softly through the tears in her eyes. 

“It’s not your fault.” 

It was almost midnight when there was a knock on the door. 

Wanda had left the kitchen rather quickly after Lila’s outburst, leaving the others to themselves. They’d needed the time, and Wanda had felt like she was intruding. 

She’d gotten into bed after changing into one of Nat’s old shirts that she’d found in the closet. It still smelled like the redhead, like everything in the room. Everything she touched told Wanda a different story about the Russian, whether she wanted it or not. 

It hadn’t been long until Natasha had joined her in bed. 

Sure, Wanda couldn’t touch her, but she could feel Natasha’s touch on her soft skin. It wasn’t warm like it used to be, but the touch itself felt like Natasha’s fingers had back then. 

It was enough. 

It _had_ to be enough. 

Wanda was curled up against Natasha, who had her arms wrapped around her small body. Wanda was asleep, Natasha’s eyes were closed, too. 

The knock caught Nat‘s attention first. _Once a spy, always a spy_ , she bitterly thought to herself. 

“Wanda, baby,” Natasha whispered, tenderly kissing Wanda awake: cheek, nose, lips. 

Wanda’s eyelids fluttered, before she groaned quietly. “What is it?” she asked, rubbing her eyes, and Natasha nodded towards the door. “Someone’s been knocking.” The witch cleared her throat. 

“Yeah?” she said, louder this time, inviting in whoever stood in front of the door. It opened slowly, and the three Barton kids stuck their heads into the dark room. “Can we come in?” Cooper asked hesitantly, fearing that Wanda might say no. But she nodded, pulling her shirt into place, running her fingers through her hair and sitting up straight. “Sure, close the door behind you, please.” 

The kids slipped into the room and then stood there awkwardly. 

“Did we interrupt something?” Lila asked all of a sudden, before she heavily blushed. Wanda giggled. “Why do you think that?” she wanted to know, smiling at the girl. “I can feel she’s here,” Lila explained, “and you don’t look like you’ve been doing anything outside the bed, so…-” 

Wanda laughed. “No, it’s fine. I just dozed off, that’s all.” Lila let out a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding. 

"Now, come here,” she told the children and they thankfully obeyed. They sat down on the mattress next to Wanda and Nathaniel smiled at Natasha, who was now standing. “Hi, Auntie Nat. Why don’t you come sit down with us?” 

Natasha smiled back at her baby boy. “Are you sure there’s enough space for the five of us?” she asked, and the kid nodded enthusiastically. “Of course.” 

She settled next to Wanda again and Cooper raised an eyebrow. “Is it possible that she just sat down or something?” Wanda nodded. “Yes, did you feel that?” 

The older boy nodded, too, tears in his eyes. “Oh god,” he whispered and Natasha leaned over to press a kiss to his forehead. “I knew we would figure it out. You just needed more time than the others, that’s all.” 

Lila sighed suddenly, searching for Wanda’s embrace. The witch hugged her tight and looked down at her. “What’s up, sweetheart?” Lila sniffled into Wanda’s chest. “I’m so sorry for earlier. I didn’t mean to explode like that.” Wanda pulled her closer. “I know, baby, I know.” She awkwardly patted Lila‘s back, until a certain thought crossed her mind.

“Why are you guys still awake?” 

Lila let go of her and shrugged lightly. “None of us could sleep, so we decided to go to Auntie Nat’s room… we slept here a lot, the first days after she…” 

The girl trailed off, and Wanda couldn’t even be annoyed because she didn‘t finish her sentence, even if she tried. She knew Lila just couldn’t, and she knew that struggle. 

Wanda kissed her forehead and looked at the kids. They looked exhausted, every single one of them, and she sighed. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “Do you wanna stay? If we try, all of us will fit, I’m sure. We’ll make it work.” 

The kids looked at each other and then at Wanda, before Cooper nodded. “That’d be great.” Wanda smiled and laid back down again. Lila crawled to the spot behind her, while Cooper curled up at the end of the bed and Nathaniel rested on the pillow like a cat. It only took them seconds and they were already drifting off to sleep. 

"There are thin blankets in the little box in that corner there,” Natasha whispered softly into Wanda’s ear and pointed to a shadow a few feet away from them. “Tuck them in, will you?” 

Wanda agreed and pulled three blankets out of the box, wrapping one around each of the kids, who acknowledged it with a content sigh. Then she laid down again and took her own blanket, before she looked at Natasha who was watching them with a sweet smile on her face. 

“Come here, will you?” Wanda asked as quietly as possible. 

“They’ve always loved those blankets. I made them," Nat whispered.

Wanda took a quick look at the blankets and smiled. “They’re beautiful. Now, come back to bed, babe.” 

Natasha slowly nodded, before she slipped into bed next to her and pulled her back into her arms. “Good night,” Wanda mumbled tiredly to everyone who could still hear her. “Good night, Auntie Wanda,” the kids murmured back in unison and Wanda stared at Natasha in shock.  The Russian just smiled. 

“Don’t think about it, just accept it. Now sleep.” She cradled Wanda’s head in her hand and pressed it to her chest. “Sleep.” 

Wanda almost expected to hear the familiar, thundering heartbeat of the woman, but when she listened closely, there was nothing but silence. 

A single tear escaped her eyes, and when it hit her lips, it tasted incredibly bitter.

It was way past midnight when Clint entered Natasha’s old room. 

He’d been talking out everything with his wife, who was currently brushing her teeth so they could go to bed soon. 

Clint‘s original plan had been to look after his kids for a second before he went to bed, but he hadn’t found them in their rooms. 

He’d been finding them in Nat’s room a lot lately, so that was where he was heading after closing Nathaniel’s door again. He had to narrow his eyes a little to recognize the shadows in the bed. They turned out to be his children and Wanda in the middle of it all. 

Wanda looked like she was curled up against someone, and Clint somehow just knew that it had to be Natasha. 

He looked down at them and sighed heavily. It was hard, so incredibly hard. 

“It’s okay,” he suddenly heard Natasha’s voice fill the air around him. “Go to sleep. I’ll keep an eye on them.” 

He flinched, his eyes wide open. “Natasha?” he whispered into the dark, and the woman answered immediately. 

"It’s fine, really. I got you, Clint. Laura’s waiting, just go. It‘s okay.” Clint swallowed the lump in his throat and fought against the tears threatening to spill out of his eyes. 

“I miss you,” he whimpered. “We all do.” 

“I know,” Natasha answered quietly. “I miss you, too. But it’s okay. We’ll figure it out. Now, go to sleep. You need it.” 

Clint nodded. “Thank you, Tasha.” 

Natasha nodded, too, although he couldn’t see her. “Always.” 

Before closing the door behind him, Clint looked back one more time. 

He saw Natasha sitting on the bed, looking at him with a soft smile on her face. 

She had Wanda’s head resting in her lap, letting her strong fingers run through the long hair of the witch. 

Wanda finally looked at peace, he thought. This was, where she belonged: the arms of her lover. It broke his heart to know that Natasha was gone, that all Wanda would ever get was this. 

But for her, it was enough. 

It _had_ to be enough. 

He smiled at Nat one last time, before leaving her with Wanda and the kids, mouthing three words she returned within a second: _I love you_. 


End file.
